If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
