I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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