Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
