Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
