Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize