Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
