I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
