So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
