I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize