I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
