batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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