he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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