Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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