Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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