it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
