good thing vaginas are great cup holders
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
