Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
