so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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