and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
