i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
