Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize