she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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