I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
