what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
