I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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