sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
