there's paper in my vomit.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
