your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
