The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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