New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
