Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
