my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
