maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
