Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
