I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
