so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
