So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize