He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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