Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
