dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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