there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
