Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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