We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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