Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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