Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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