This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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