I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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