I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
