Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
