I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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