You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
