I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
