Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
