I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
