i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
