How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize