There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
