Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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