You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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