As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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