oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
