If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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