I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
