im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
