I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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